letter to my 16-year old self

I was skimming through a friend's blog, and stumbled upon a post the idea of which was inspiration to this entry. Mine's a a tad serious, but this is as close as I can get to writing to my 16-year old self.

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April 7, 2013

Skinny under-cut,

Hurrah! I can see you pounding that frail chest for getting that haircut like your gang. You are one of them now. Darn, it was hip to be shaven underneath that bob. For once, you were not afraid of Mamang’s scolding for looking like an “adik-adik” although your gaunt frame can already be mistaken for one. You will be getting off high school and it would be great to look “cool” in your class photos. You wouldn’t want to be that odd one out. After all, that day will be your day, your favorite teacher would say teary-eyed. First advice: don’t be so touchy. You ought to look tough. You should swag that hairstyle to character.  

After the bravados have calmed down, you will worry but still hope that by sheer miracle, you can go to college. That will not come unfounded and you will feel down. Reel on it a bit. You will ask high heavens why you and your family, of all people, were made to endure these strains. But do not wallow in self-pity. I know it’s easier said than done and that not too many people will understand. Second advice:  do not indulge in too much despair and discouragement. Not going to college like the rest of your class is not the end of the world. Gather yourself up and gear up for battle. If life is a battle for survival, start doing 50 push ups tomorrow morning. Just kidding. Read books, do the chores, cultivate your backyard, open a sari-sari store – just do something worthwhile. You will learn a lot that you never will at any university.

I know you’d still want to be an architect, or an engineer, or an accountant. You might even heed your uncle’s advice and be a teacher instead. Use your time to pick one course. Third advice: weave a dream even if you will do so while on top of a sampalok tree watching over your flock of ducks or atop the carabao while herding it. Be grand with your dreams, it’s the freest thing to do. Do not lose hope that dreaming is all that life can ever give you. Maybe one day, all the universe will conspire to get you that desire.  

Be intent that one day the gods will hear your prayers and you will go to a university. Ain’t that great? That university! You will meet a lot of great people there and some will become your greatest friends. You’ll find the best teachers not only in class but in life’s lessons too. Life will not be easy, money can barely cover the essentials, but trust that when the universe conspires, you will get a P100 loan from a classmate, which can put you through a week. Again, do not lament. Take pride in the thought that God gives His toughest battles to His bravest soldiers. You are not one lame duck.

Do not be too stiff and uptight. I know the going gets tough often but do not think that you carry all the burdens of the world to not have fun. Life is not always a struggle - remember that. Fourth advice: enjoy your youth. Goof around, party even a little – just don’t do drugs. Street-smart is a lot cool so learn the ways of the street. But always remember that “smart” is part of the adjective. Send that love letter, laugh hard, learn the guitar and sing your heart out. Compose poetry. Join organizations and meet a lot of friends. Just have some fun.

You will go through tests on and off campus. The grades that the teachers will give you may matter but it will be the trials which will measure the strength of your character that will build and define you. Do the right things the right way. You will make mistakes but do not commit the deliberate ones. Fifth advice: there are no short cuts in this life. You wouldn’t want one fault or two to haunt you for a long time. Regret is not a very good company and guilt will not let you sleep sometimes. It’s true that we will hold on to the lessons more dearly if these were learned the hard way, but try to avoid this pain as much as you can. You don’t want to coil with this extra baggage. Be practical but do not be foolhardy or just plain rash.

Do not shed off your sense of family. They will be the closest network of persons who will stick with you through thick and thin. Do not be too hard on yourself but keep in mind that you are “kuya”. Remember that Mamang has to rest one day from pulling the odds to make both ends meet, and just enjoy the beach or the casino. Or just wherever she wishes to be that will make her happy. She greatly deserves that. 

When things seem to get hopeless and out of meaning, which they sometimes will, remember that there is a greater force that puts everything in its proper order and place – bumps, cliffs, thunders, snakes, thorny bushes and all. Just look up for directions.   

This is getting long and I might already be getting to your nerves. Okay, okay. You already know these things, but a gentle reminder won’t hurt sometimes. These will do for now. But if you don’t follow some of the things I say (I know you can be stubborn sometimes), I will shrug the blame off you. But I hope you will take me seriously.

Come on, you will do just fine. So no worries, okay?

Future you,

Skinny-still but clean cut

P.S. I was just trying not to dampen your high spirits when I let you have your swag with your haircut. But trust me, you wouldn’t want to see that photo ever again with that under-cut that looks neither cute nor hip. It is awful and nasty you’d want to burn that print into ashes. Maybe, this is just the spoiler in me. And o, do not be so anxious about working at Zamboanga’s canneries just so you wouldn’t be a bum. Who knows you’d even be hobnobbing with the proprietors one day soon. So for now, it’s time to give that carabao a “HOO!!!”