quo vadis, cocinero?

(source)

In April of 2011, I took a leap of faith. At that time, I was unsure if the decision to take on a new role and steer my career to a different direction was the rightest thing to do. It wasn’t the sort of plainly testing the waters. I usually start a year getting jitters, the sort that wants me to pack and go into the wild, but there’s a tiny something somewhere at the back of my mind that said “go!” - a certain stirring that I will probably understand at some distant future. I am not entirely the submissive type. I tried pushing walls for want of greater space and bigger horizon but if some things are simply not just meant to be, nothing will come out of your pushing. And so that tiny voice won me over.

I thought I packed enough of confidence and courage when I decided to don another garb and wander in another field. I miscalculated my perseverance levels that at one point I thought of throwing in the towel. But I had no contingency plan in place. I tried pushing walls again but still nothing came out of the shove. Then, that tiny voice was there again – “just keep on”. 

If I overestimated my ability to persist, I certainly underrated the power of love of those who supported in me in my decision to sail outside of my comfort zone. It was not at all a tiny voice of inspiration that kept telling me that everything will be alright while reassuring me that they will still be standing behind if I choose to pull the sails down.

Two years later, some will say that I finally found my place under the sun. Maybe, but I am more gratified by the realization that a path has been set for me, that I have the littlest understanding of the plans laid out by the Hand in the grand scheme of things and so I just need to let that Hand do the pushing of walls.

Some call it birthing pains. Others will say that one has to be put through fire to come out shining like gold. These pains that we go through in every change that we need to endure are necessary steps for the masterpiece in progress that is us. I still recall a professor’s reminder that adversity brings out character. Sometimes, I even grin when I remember that I came close to giving up when I haven’t even seen the bigger picture yet. Those pains, had they really been such a big deal?     

I still cannot say that I already found my end of the rainbow. Life is ever a journey and this jittery pair of shoes will not just stay in one place yet. But I'm glad I took that leap. It pays to listen to a tiny voice sometimes.