like a bottle of wine

I imagined celebrating my birthday this year with the zest of making it as a milestone. Nothing really grand, just something that will sort of leave an impression similar to a rite of passage. Like maybe conquering my fear of heights by dominating Singapore's reverse bungee. Aside from the idea of thrill, it would be a reunion of sorts with college buddies who I haven't seen in what seemed like ages. If not, it would also be a nice idea to 'commune with myself' while on a bike along the slopes of Batanes. This 'communing-with-myself' thing is actually already long overdue to those who figured that I should already be finishing my novitiate by this time. Quite romantic actually. But like many things that were not quite intended to be, I was homebound on that day with a cluttered room that needs cleaning and a mountain of soiled clothes to wash. So much for a milestone celebration.

This day used to be a little and a few things to me and rambling from tradition (office people are good at reminding you that traditions ought to survive), I don't normally open wine for cheers. Like leaves that grow green and fall, birthdays come and go, leaving only additional lines in the forehead and probably a few gray hairs sprouting now and then.

The passing of time brings with it a certain awkwardness about recollection and anticipation, evoking anxiety at gunshot starts and rousing excitement at racing to the finish line.

While my accomplishments remain humble, what three decades in this world means to me is a milestone in itself and in hues of experiences and lessons: I experienced losing a parent but finding many others along the path. No one is truly alone. I struggled for the sake of ambition only to find the meaning of achievement in tranquility. No one is truly a failure. I searched places for convenience and comfort only to find it lying under my nose – the convenience of home and simplicity and the comfort of family and community. No one is truly poor.

In my first thirty years, I made many mistakes and several wrong choices, followed wrong directions and trekked along crooked paths. I thought ill, spewed curse, articulated lies and mastered pretense. I was foolhardy. I was coward. I digressed and complained, became lazy and procrastrinated. I learned evil while others took on my righteousness.

I learned to surrender my petty concerns to a greater Force. I sought forgiveness for my transgressions. I don't expect to be beatified.

I 've been blessed more than I am worthy of. Often, I am not appreciative but I am starting to look at things differently now. I am no longer the center of the universe. I learned to take things as they are, as they come.

Unlike the past ones that came and went, there's something about this turn of year that both agitates and animates me. Here is looking forward to the next thirty years while hoping that the numbers will indeed roll. Here's to life, love and laughter. Here's to experiences to go through and lessons to learn, places to go and people to meet. Here's to ambitions and milestone celebrations that will probably be another room full of clutter. Here's to faith, peace and freedom. Here's to growing old and growing up. And just like a bottle of wine, I wish to get better with time.

Pass the goblets now. Cheers!