quips on marriage: husband’s POV

We’ve heard what the kids have to say. Now let’s listen to authority:

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her (Lee Majors)

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together (Al Gore)

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher (Socrates)

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them (Mike Tyson)

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? (George Clooney)

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me (Bill Clinton)

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." (George W. Bush)

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years." (Rudy Giuliani)

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." (Michael Jordan)


"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children! (Donald Trump)

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming:

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up. (Shaquille O’Neal)

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... (Kobe Bryant)

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. (David Hasselhoff)

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Alec Baldwin)

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. (Barack Obama)

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy. (Tommy Lee)

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." (Brad Pitt)

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." (Jimmy Kimmel)

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!” (David Letterman)

“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring....soon after......comes Suffer...ing! (Jay Leno)

Marriage is a public confession of a private intention. (Pete Benzon)

Now, who needs a wife?